Friday, December 16, 2005

Bananas

I have just spend a few minutes explaining the rules about bananas to my wife. I feel that transparency is vital and so I will share the rules with you now. There are only two rules:

1.0 There is a time frame that is acceptable in terms of ripeness, in which bananas can be eaten and enjoyed - depending on the climate in which you live and if you choose to refrigerate your bananas (which I think is just weird). Too early [green] and the bananas are hard to peel, unpleasant to eat (the texture is like eating half dried PVA glue), and the flavour is not yet developed enough to enjoy beyond the aforementioned gluey taste. Too late and you've got brown spots which make eating the banana an altogether unforgivable event. In my experience as a banana eater in Auckland, for the most part, you're looking at about a 36 hour time frame in Summer and 72 in Winter with the windows open and no heating in the home.

2.0 If, and only if all rules in 1.0 apply, then the banana may be consumed. It is to be peeled and eaten fresh. It may under no circumstances be mashed, blended or whipped. It may not be baked, cooked, fried, grilled, or served on panakes after being cooked with bacon (God forbid!), boiled or bar-b-q'd. They may never be made into cakes, bread of muffins (what's wrong with people?!) it must not be made into a sauce or dessert (except where variances in 2.1 apply). Bananas must never be put into a drink, served with something creepy wrapped around it or skewered through it (I have seen people eat cooked bananas with prunes or bacon 'attached' in a completely unacceptable way and was forced to terminate all contact with them for the duration of the event).

2.1 Where rules in 1.0 are strictly adhered to, bananas may be sliced and put into a fresh fruit salad and served with yogurt or ice cream. The fruit salad must be eaten on the day it was made. There are to be no "leftovers".

People who do not adhere to these rules should be made to apologise.

Friday, December 02, 2005

"the messages on the t-shirts are supposed to be fun"

I received this email in response from the buying manager of Men's Brands at Farmers:

Dear Blair,

Thankyou for your feedback regarding the slogan T-Shirts in our Substation Youth Menswear area. I apologise for not responding to you sooner, but I have been overseas on business and only returned today.

I appreciate that as a regular Farmers customer you are disappointed to see these messages appearing in our stores, and we do take your comments very seriously, and will endeavour to take this feedback into account in the future.

The messages on these T-Shirts are supposed to be fun and are not meant tooffend anyone. We are trying to target a younger male customer, something that we have not done in the past, and this type of Printed Slogan T-Shirt has proven to be very successful. The Prints in question are our top selling items in this youth area, and will be sold out within the next
couple of weeks.

Going forward, we will continue to range these Slogan T-Shirts, however taking yours, and others feedback into consideration, we will be toning back the messages to fit in more with the Farmers image. Bearing in mind though, the success we have had, they will still have a humorous boundary pushing undertone.

If you wish to call me to discuss this further my contact details are below, and I would welcome any further feedback.

Thanks and Regards

Paul


...


Basically, I find this letter to be unacceptable. The slogans have not been toned down. To say that the t-shirts have a 'boundary pushing undertone' is a ridiculous euphemism! I wrote another letter back to Paul highlighting the fact that Marijuana is also a top seller in New Zealand but that doesn't mean that the shops should all be selling it.

He never responded to me...

Thursday, December 01, 2005

December 1 - world aids day

If you haven't heard about the makepovertyhistory campaign, their website is well worth a look. You can click on this link to send an email to Dr Michael Cullen the Minister of Finance. It is important that the New Zealand government uphold their promise to fully committing to spending 0.7% of Gross National Income on overseas aid.

Making poverty history is a possibility in our lifetime.

C'mon you crazy enthusiastic letter writers - it will take about 5 minutes - you can even use the copy from the page to beef up your email.





(24 sleeps to go) eeeeeep!