Friday, December 16, 2005

Bananas

I have just spend a few minutes explaining the rules about bananas to my wife. I feel that transparency is vital and so I will share the rules with you now. There are only two rules:

1.0 There is a time frame that is acceptable in terms of ripeness, in which bananas can be eaten and enjoyed - depending on the climate in which you live and if you choose to refrigerate your bananas (which I think is just weird). Too early [green] and the bananas are hard to peel, unpleasant to eat (the texture is like eating half dried PVA glue), and the flavour is not yet developed enough to enjoy beyond the aforementioned gluey taste. Too late and you've got brown spots which make eating the banana an altogether unforgivable event. In my experience as a banana eater in Auckland, for the most part, you're looking at about a 36 hour time frame in Summer and 72 in Winter with the windows open and no heating in the home.

2.0 If, and only if all rules in 1.0 apply, then the banana may be consumed. It is to be peeled and eaten fresh. It may under no circumstances be mashed, blended or whipped. It may not be baked, cooked, fried, grilled, or served on panakes after being cooked with bacon (God forbid!), boiled or bar-b-q'd. They may never be made into cakes, bread of muffins (what's wrong with people?!) it must not be made into a sauce or dessert (except where variances in 2.1 apply). Bananas must never be put into a drink, served with something creepy wrapped around it or skewered through it (I have seen people eat cooked bananas with prunes or bacon 'attached' in a completely unacceptable way and was forced to terminate all contact with them for the duration of the event).

2.1 Where rules in 1.0 are strictly adhered to, bananas may be sliced and put into a fresh fruit salad and served with yogurt or ice cream. The fruit salad must be eaten on the day it was made. There are to be no "leftovers".

People who do not adhere to these rules should be made to apologise.

2 Comments:

At 2:24 PM, Anonymous Pannels said...

Just one question:
How do you know what texture half dried PVA glue has when you eat it??

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger painter said...

Blair!!
I have discovered your blog..
Marshy & I have laughed ourselves silly..
you are so scientific about this entire process - its fabulous.
Banana's are wonderful :)
Suz

 

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